10.24.2007

The Brazilian

So we land in Tokyo after a long flight. A flight I did not enjoy. I'm serious, I was in bad shape. I can usually handle a little turbulence, but try mixing it up with the sound of David Hayter getting a couple vertabrae smashed, Ryan Murphy giving a detailed description Binshu-era necrophilia and then throw in a two hour lecture by Busta Rhymes to the whole of first class on cattle mutiliation.

I ain't kidding, the first shift in yaw and I blew main ballast tanks. And when Matt Evans blows chunks - it's explosive stuff. They'll have to seriously consider decommissioning that plane.

Murphy and I are walking into the terminal. He's talking all kinds of out there about the research he wants to conduct in the city - I'm thinking this is something I do not want to be apart of... no way. But how do say no to the man that reintroduced the public to Dylan Walsh? I mean, after Congo you gotta figure DW is on is way to being the next Jeff Goldblum. But he dropped right off the rader until reappearing as Sean "Nip" McNamara.

Suddenly my phone rings... I answer. It's Gary Busey. For a second I have to stop and think what time it is back in the US, but then I remember that Busey is coming towards the end of his reverse hibernation program. Reverse hibernation is the latest thing to come out of Jackie Stallone's Alternative Living Research Centre. She even spells center like the French - It's that alternative.

Matt! Matt? Can you hear me man?

Gary? What are you do-?

Woh! Matt! I can't see you. I can hear you but I can't see you.

Gary we're on the phone, you can't-

Oh, there you are man... Listen. Did you see this website? This Poor Man's website?

He sounds a little hazy. I mean, I'm not one to tell Jackie Stallone how to tell people how to live their lives - but I can't see any upshot to not sleeping for three months. Gary wouldn't normally go in for this sort of lifestyle fad, but he'd already been awake for a week when he heard about it, so he figured he'd keep it up.

This website Matt. They take people and say, they say this guy... this guy's like a poor man's this other guy... You know? They got me on it Matt. They say I'm a poor man's Nick Nolte. Can you believe that? I've talked to poor men Matt and they say Nolte's their me!! You hear that you f*****s!? You hear me!!?

I have to hold the phone away from my ear he's shouting so loud.

Gary, I hear you man. Sounds like this site's dragging your good name through the dirt - No one wants to be compared to Nick Nolte, but what do you want me to do about it? I'm in Japan!

Which Japan?

What?

Don't hold out on me Matty! I know there's more than one!

Before I can reply I hear a shuffling behind me. I turn to see three airport security men grappling with Ryan and a young woman screaming at the confused King of Cable. He's calling out,

What the hell? I thought you were cool with that here!

I dash over to see what I can do. I quickly talk into the phone:

Gotta go Buse. Don't go doing anything about this site until you have a cup of coffee.

Coffee? You kidding me? You want me to listen to those beans? They don't know sh-

I snap my phone closed and call out to Murphy.

Ryan! What's happening?

I don't know Matt, I'm just trying to learn about the culture you know?... Listen Matt, I might need you to bail me out. But don't be too quick about it - You be amazed the things you can learn during a couple nights in a foreign prison.

I cringe as Murphy gets pulled out of sight by the guards. A moment later Kelsey Grammar is standing next to me.

Good heavens Matthew, what's happening with Ryan?

Trouble with a local girl.

My God! You're not suggesting he's been accused of making indecent advances? He seemed the perfect gentlemen on the plane.

I guess you didn't see him with the cabin crew. Guy drops more hands than John McClane.

Kelsey is a little shaken up by the events. Turns out he wont be filming his commercial until the next day, so he agrees to hang with me, providing translation services and local intel. Walking through the airport I ask him to tell me everything he knows about Miyazaki.

Well Matthew, Miyazaki was born in Akebono-cho. He graduated Gakushuin in '63 with degrees in political science and economics. Soon after he was hired by Toei Animation where he began work-

This isn't what I need Kelse. I'm on my way to fight the man not write him a new resume.

Quite right Matthew. Let me think... He has three brothers: Arata, Shirou and Yutaka. They used to fight viciously among themselves. His eldest brother, Arata, was the regional kendo youth champion for three years straight. He used to beat young Hayao with a kendo stick while training. One day Hayao turns up at Arata's dojo - bruised after a particularly vigourous training session the previous evening. Arata, hoping to impress his fellow students, attacks the unarmed Hayao. Hayao spins under a fast thrust, Arata has had his shinai snatched from his hands and is falling to the ground under a broken knee cap. The other students attack Hayao - over 30 of them - and he dispatches with each in similar fashion.

I'm listening intently. Know your enemy. It's one of the fist lessons from The Art of War. Know your enemy - Know yourself - Know your enemy's enemies, for they may be your friends - Know your enemy's enemies' enemies for they may be the friends of your enemies. Know your friend's friends, for they may be the enemies of your enemy's friends. Kelsey goes on:

At school in Utsunomiya he would fight the older students, seeking out the most competent so that he could learn from-

Just then I bump into a man walking the opposite way through the airport hallway. We jerk around to face each other - both on edge. I'm shocked to realize that the man I bumped into is Thai martial arts legend Tony Jaa.... then I look a little closer and realize it's not Tony Jaa, but just a guy who looks like him. Actually... that's not so interesting, I don't know why I even mentioned it.

We have no trouble finding a cab and are quickly on our way to Studio Ghibli - Miyazaki's stomping ground. Kelsey is pouring out everything he knows about Miyazaki's fighting styles, his strengths and weaknesses. I'm listening as best as I can, but I'm tired after the flight and I'm having trouble keeping my focus.

We pull up at the animation studio's front gates and I pay the cab driver. Kelsey talks briefly with the guards.

They've been expecting you Matthew. We are to proceed straight through to the sparring grounds in the back courtyard.

I nod.

We walk through the grounds of the studio. It's a pretty peaceful place - at least I think so until I hear the sound up ahead. Shrill cries followed by the sound wood being broken - I know immediately that it's Hayao, warming up for our battle.

We round the corner and come into the large stone courtyard. Miyazaki is standing on the top of a raised platform, dressed in martial arts garb, smashing wooden boards held firmly by his underlings. He turns to face Kelsey and I as we approach.

Miyazaki: Ebanzu!!

Kelsey: Evans.

Miyazaki points an accusing finger and begin to chatter quickly, Kelsey translates:

Kelsey: I was beginning to think your fear had overcome you!

Me: The only thing that'll be overcome today is your face - by my fist!

Kelsey: Koketsu ni irazunba koji o ezu!

Miyazaki smiles. I turn to Kelsey.

Me (quietly): Why is he smiling? Didn't you tell him I'd overcome his face with my fist?

Kelsey (quietly): Well.. not precisely, I took something of a translator's liberty to drive home the intent of your verbal assault.

I furrow my brow a little. Kelsey smiles impishly,

Kelsey: You see, I recounted the old Japanese proverb "If you do not enter the tiger's cave, you will not catch his cub." But the word for tiger cub is something of a double entendre given that the traditional form of the Miyazaki family name is..

Me: Goddammit Kelse! Tell this guy I'm gonna overcome his face with my fist!

Kelsey turns and calls up to Miyazaki. His eye's flare when he hears it. He goes off again on a long speech.

Kelsey: Your arrival in Tokyo is testimony to your idiocy Evans! You will not be the first to fall prey to my Circling Dragon fighting style... Might I suggest Matthew that I retort with a reference to Itou's comic drama-

Me: Tell him I hope his dragon wont have any trouble circling once I have my foot up his ass.

Kelsey: That seems a little crude Matthew. I know you're about to engage in combat with the man but there's no reason to abandon common decency.

I step forward, a pace in front of Kesley. I can see he's a little to high-brow to deliver the trademarked Evans' trash talk.

Listen up Miyazaki!

I call out,

You don't understand anything I say and I don't understand anything you say. So let's quick all this talking and get down to business. What do you say?

Before Kelsey can translate Miyazaki replies:

Yosh!

I run at full speed toward the raised platform Miyazaki is standing on. I leap up and am standing face to face with the enemy. It's go time.

...

I have absolutely no recollection of what happened next. The only thing that I'm sure happened is that I was hit in the head. Repeatedly. I like to think I got in a few hits too, but there's no way of knowing. Kelsey admitted to turning away after the pummelling started...

I came to the next day in a hospital bed. I'd taken a real beating. Kelsey left a note to say he was gone to film his commercial and would be back as soon as he could. Can you even imagine it? Matt Evans - the explosive talent you know and love - defeated, battered and bruised, alone in Tokyo. I was low. Miyazaki had beaten me fair and square, and I had no one to blame but myself.

Against the doctor's advice I checked myself out and began wandering the city. I had no where to go. I figured I'd find a hotel, get some sleep, and return to LA on the next flight I could get. But fate had other plans for Matt Evans.

After I don't know how long I found myself outside an old building. A temple. If I ever needed some spiritual guidance it was right now. I walked inside. Leaving my sneakers next to some other shoes, I padded slowly into a secluded area lit only by candlelight. I collapsed to my knees and waited there in silence.

A low grumble to my left. I turn, not sure if I'd imagined it...

Who's there?

No answer.

Hello?

Still nothing. I turn back towards the candlelight. Suddenly, a figure emerges from the darkness. A bearded face half-covered by a mesh of dark hair. The smell is overpowering. He's making a low grumbling noise, that could be an effort at speech. The light flickers slightly giving me a better glimpse of... No! Could it be? It was...

It's really you... Jason Bateman. What are you doing in Tokyo?

Before the unwashed man can form an answer another figure appears from the other side of the room. I turn to see the familiar face of Ron Howard. What was going on? Here I was, Matt Evans - the most talented writing/actor/director working in Hollywood and currently the most talented man visiting Tokyo, shoeless, in a Buddhist temple with Happy Days' Richie Cunningham and Arrested Development's Michael Bluth. I'm stunned into silence. Ron is the first to speak:

Ron: And now the story of a successful actor who lost everything, and the one prolific director who narrated his downfall. It's-

Jason: Would you please stop doing that? It's getting a little old.

I find my voice:

Me: Jason, Ron. I'm Matt Evans, writer/actor/director. What's going on? What are you guys doing here?

Jason: What am I doing here? Trying to get away from this weirdo. He's being following me for months ever since my career went down the tube.

Me: Your career? What are you talking about?

Jason: Come on man, Arrested Development got canned, we only got 7 episodes of The Jake Effect.. I'm washed up.

I can't believe what I'm hearing. I tell him:

Are you kidding me Jase? Are we forgetting about a little movie called Smokin' Aces - the first movie ever to combine the raw acting talents of Ben Affleck and Ryan Reynolds, the movie to finally debunk the theory that Ray Liotta and Andy Garcia are the same man, the movie that critics called the Lucky Number Slevin for the post racist Michael Richards generation? Come on Jason, you were integral to that picture!

Jason makes a low moan and dismisses me with a wave of his hand. He wanders off looking for something. Ron Howard steps up behind me.

Ron: Jason, after filming his brief cameo for Smokin' Aces, became worried he would never work again and left home to try and find himself. Meanwhile Ron (that's me) had finished filming Cinderella Man and, against everyone's advice, decided to cut a fifteen minute sequence of Russell Crowe doing sit ups from the picture. Crowe, incensed by the editting, came after Ron who had no choice but to escape America and go into hiding with Jason.

...ok.

What happened next was something very special. A flash of realization. Sure, Miyazaki had taken me down but that was only because I wasn't really prepared for the fight. But fate had given me an opportunity that I had to seize. Something that might just even the odds against the crazed animator.

Jason. I need your help.

He turns towards me, scratching at his tangled web of hair.

What the hell could I possibly do to help you?.. or anyone else for that matter. I'm finished Matt. I'm like John Travolta during the Look Who's Talking years. Only Tarantino isn't gonna come along and bail me out.

You've forgotten one thing about the Look Who's Talking years Jason. If it hadn't been for Travolta's career lull he never would have had the time to spearhead the campaign to reintroduce Slalom Canoeing to the Olympic Games nor to train Jacobi and Strausbaugh to take gold medals in that very event in Barcelona!

I don't understand Matt. You want me to train someone? At what? What can I do?

I grab him, hands on both of his shoulders, and look him straight in the eye.

I came to Japan to fight Hayao Miyazaki. I need you to train me.

He pulls away.

You're crazy Evans. It's been years since I fought. Find yourself a real trainer.

Jason Bateman was low. He needed to be reminded of a few things.

You're an actor Jason. In most cases that would mean you're not a fighter, but you're one of the few exceptions. In the history of film only four men have trained so rigourously for fight scenes in their work that they have reached the level of professional boxers.
DeNiro, Raging Bull, 1980.
Stallone, Rocky, 1976.
Mr. Delaware, Das Boxende Känguruh, 1895.
And how could anyone forget...
Jason Bateman, Teen Wolf Too, 1987.

Ron: It was true. Not only had Jason reached peak physical condition for his role as the Teen Wolf, but he'd also delivered the highest grossing supernatural boxing movie of 1987. No mean feat when you consider that same year saw the release of Seconds Out for Blackula, featuring Carl Weathers as Apollo Bleed.

Jason shakes his head.

Dammit Matt that was twenty years ago! Sure, I was arguably the best fighter in the world in the late eighties but look at me now! I'm making a living by stealing shoes from the doorway of a Buddhist temple!

I'm not saying it'll be easy Jason. But I know you've got this in you.

He looks down. I can read him - searching within himself.

Ok Matt. I'll do it.

And so it began. What happened over the next three days can only be told in one way: A training montage. Unfortunately I can't show you such a montage because, well.. no one was filming us train. To express a montage in words isn't an appealing thought, but there is a precedent. You see, before there were movies people used to write other things. In particular, something called poetry.

Pieces of poetry, or poems, were similar in a lot of ways to the montages of today. They had all different kinds of poems with specific structures in the same way that we have De Laurentiisian, Stallonean and other kinds of montages. The best way to tackle my preparation for my rerematch with Miyazaki would be a Stallonean montage. I'll break it down for those of you that haven't been to film school.

The Stallonean montage is made up of 26 shots, separated into 3 verses of 10 shots, 10 shots and 5 shots, and finished off with a singlet. Still with me?.. Good. The 26 shots are each of 4 different scenes. Let's call them A, B, C and D. A is your lead. It opens each verse and also has to be the singlet. One of the main functions of the lead is to show the passage of time. B is called the bulk, and makes up most of the shots, being the only one of the four that can appear more than once in a row. C and D are support shots that break up the repetitions of B. Only one of them can appear in the first verse so that there's something fresh in the second. Every verse ends with either a B, C or D (obviously, because the no repetition of A rule transcends verse breaks) and has to feature a comic twist.

Each verse has a specific purpose. The first shows the trainer outdoing his pupil. He's faster, stronger and smarter. The only thing the pupil's got in his corner is determination. Verse 2 shows the gradual improvement of the pupil, but he's still got a long way to go. Verse 3: More improvement, but now you add in the element that the pupil is coming close to matching his teacher's skill. In the singlet the pupil outdoes the trainer and they celebrate in display of manly affection.

The textbook example is the training montage in Rocky III. Here, the lead (A) is Rock and Apollo Creed running on the beach. The bulk (B) is training in the gym, and the other shots are filled with swimming (C) and other characters showing their support for Rocky (D).

Stallone went with the now classic A,B,B,A,B,B,C,B,B,B*; A,B,A,B,B,D,A,B,B,B*; A,B,B,D,C*; A... Often imitated but rarely outdone.

So here's how it played out in Tokyo... You should probably go ahead and listen to some good montage music while you read this. The Brazilian by Genesis oughta do.

1. I'm doing sit ups on the floor of Kelsey Grammar's hotel room. Kelsey is also there, having drinks with Japanese associates, trying (unsuccessfully) not to draw attention to the sweaty hulk on his floor. He jogs over to the door, glass in hand, and opens it to reveal Jason Bateman - still filthy and covered in hair - with a copy of Teen Wolf Too on DVD. Ron Howard follows.
2. The morning rush hour. Tokyo City. Millions of men and women dressed for business walk to work. In the midst of all this: a rickshaw. Pulled by a sweating Matt Evans, on the verge of collapse. Jason Bateman and Ron Howard, the passengers, urge me on.
3. A businessman, in the middle of a crowd of suit-wearing pedestrians, stops to watch the rickshaw's course. He looks at his watch and begins to hurry away but is stopped in his tracks. His boss is standing right in front of him. He shouts in Japanese. Subtitle: You're fired!
4. Kelsey's room. Jason and I watch Teen Wolf Too in the corner of the room. Jason eagerly pointing out details. Kelsey regales his guests with witty conversation.
5. I pull the rickshaw alongside a bicycle. The cyclist, talking rapidly on a tiny mobile phone, takes no notice and cycles on ahead.
6. The throng of pedestrians flow up and onto a staircase, half a block wide, leading further into the business district. I stop at the bottom of the staircase. Jason shouts like a man possessed!
7. Jason, Ron, Kelsey and I sit at a conveyor belt picking off pieces of sushi.
8. Once again I'm alongside the cyclist. He notices me this time, struggling to keep up with him. He laughs and cycles away at greater speed.
9. Back in Kelsey's room the guests are becoming restless, one of them peaks over Kelsey's shoulder to grab a glimpse of Teen Wolf Too and the enigmatic pair watching it.
10. The rickshaw careens out of control and rolls through a pachinko parlor. The players dive onto the pachinko machines for cover as we crash through, destroying everything in our path. Once gone, every machine we knocked into scores a triple 7 and the players go wild.

1. Kelsey drinks alone while I, Ron Howard and the group of Japanese guests gather around Jason. He points to the screen and acts out motions from the film.
2. I drive the rickshaw straight on into the staircase and progress up a dozen steps. Jason cheers me on during the bumpy ride.
3. Jason jumps onto the table in Kelsey's room and pretends to surf, while a similar scene plays out with his (less hairy) wolfman counterpart on the screen.
4. The cyclist has to put away his phone and concentrate on peddling as I begin to move faster. He's working now to keep pace with me.
5. I stumble on the staircase and lose my hold on the rickshaw. Jason starts to roll back down the stairs.
6. A close-up of Ron Howard's face, smiling widely.
7. The Japanese guests take turns surfing on Kelsey's table, with Jason giving them pointers and Kelsey scurrying to protect the lamp.
8. The driverless rickshaw continues to roll down the stairs, and then out into the street. I grab hold of the bar, stopping it, a nanosecond before a speeding bus zooms just behind us. Jason expresses annoyance.
9. The cyclist powers his legs as much as he can and begins to pull away from me.
10. Jason opens a bag he has with him, full of shoes, and throws one at the cyclist. It clocks him on the head and he swirls wildly out of view. Jason and I laugh. Then Jason shouts at me to go faster.

1. All of us, even Kelsey, watch intently as Jason talks us through the final boxing scene of Teen Wolf Too. He gestures two fingers to his eyes. Watch the eyes! As the eyes of his younger self glow red and he unleashes his Teen Wolf boxing skill without actually transforming into Teen Wolf.
2. We see the cyclist's shocked expression as I overtake him and pull away into the distance.
3. Swarms of pedestrians dive for cover as the rickshaw ascends the staircase. Once I reach the top I turn it around and Jason and I overlook the city below us. I jump up and down victorious, lifting the rickshaw, Jason and Ron with each leap.
4. Kelsey Grammar gives a hearty thumbs-up!
5. Ron Howard puts two pieces of sushi over his eyes and sticks chopsticks into his nostrils, much to everyone's delight.

1. The final scene of Teen Wolf Too plays out again, but this time I'm standing next to the TV. At the key moment I point with two fingers to my eyes. Watch the eyes! Kelsey, Ron and the Japanese guests are engrossed. Jason Bateman, now clean-shaved and bathed, nods proudly. He steps forward and we embrace strong and hard, as men do.

The taxi cab stops at Studio Ghibli and the four of us step out: Kelsey Grammar, Ron Howard, Jason Bateman and yours truly, in better shape than I'd been in years.

Jason: So this is Studio Ghibli.

Just to be clear, before we go on, all the stuff in the montage actually happened. I didn't just make it up to have a good montage in the story. Not only did it all happen, but many similar things (of which the previous is representative) also happened.

Me: This is it Jase. The battlefield.

Kelsey: Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more,
Or close the wall up with our English dead!
In peace there's nothing so becomes a man
As modest stillness and humility;
But when the blast of war blows in our ears,
Then imitate the action of the tiger:
Stiffen the sinews, summon up the blood.

Me: You said it Kelse. It's just like the late Chris Penn said in Best of the Best. Time to drop this guy like a toilet seat.

We walk into the compound and make our way towards the back courtyard. Two Studio Ghibli lackies come running at us out of nowhere. Jason Bateman swings his fist and connects cleanly with the jaw of the first. He drops to the floor - presumably dead. The other man stops in his tracks.

Jeison Batemanu!

He runs back out of sight. We round the corner and I'm only a little surprised to see Hayao standing on his fighting platform. He sees us and delivers a booming belly laugh.

Kelsey: Ha ha ha!

Me: Yeah Kelse, I got that.

I walk slowly towards the platform. Bateman walks alongside, psyching me up.

You can take this Matt. All those things you did over the past three days - pulling the rickshaw, standing on the hotel room table, eating all that sushi... All those things correspond directly to attacks and defensive maneuvers you can use to take this guy down.

Me: Really? Like in Karate Kid?

Jason: Exactly. Begin by standing on the hotel room table. If he moves at you, pull the rickshaw! When it's time to finsh him off, eat the sushi.

Me: Anything else?

Jason: Watch the eyes.

I nod.

A moment later I'm standing on the platform. A hand signal from Hayao and the ring around the fighting area bursts into flames. A disembodied voice booms the word FIGHT! and Hayao charges at me. I close my eyes and picture the rickshaw behind me. I take hold of the bar in front of my chest and jerk it forward with both hands. Opening my eyes I see Hayao doubled over clutching his torso. He speaks through his coughing. Kelsey translates.

Kelsey: Drunken Panda pulls the Golden Rickshaw! The only known counter to Dragon's Claw of the Southern Wind!!

He charges again, and is pushed back with another double punch to the torso. He crouches a little, then moves his right leg out in a slow circle. He shouts at the top of his lungs!

Kelsey: Thousand Year Kick of the Tortured Heavens!

He flurries up in the air, his right leg swinging down towards me with murderous intent. Once again, I pull the rickshaw, delivering two fists to Hayao's chest. He flies backward landing in the flames surrounding the ring.

Jason: Now Matthew! Eat the sushi!

I rush forward, grabbing Hayao from the ground like a piece of crab meat from a slow moving conveyor. His arms come up out of nowhere and break my grip. BAM! BAM! He scores two hits on my face... I stagger back, dazed.

Kelse: Good lord! It's happening again!

Jason: Crap! I knew we should have spent more time at that sushi place.

I can barely make out their voices as Hayao continues his barrage on my head. I lose my balance and fall to one knee. Hayao steps back and prepares to finish me off. I try to stand up but find I have no energy left. I manage to lift my head only to see Hayao's face smirking down at me. SWANK! He whips a roundhouse kick across my face so hard that the Academy Award winning actress' name is heard by all around. Hayao speaks to the broken man before him.

Kelsey: And now Matthew. You die.

I turn my bruised face to see Jason, his form shimmering through the flames. He raises two fingers and points to his eyes. Use the strength of the Teen Wolf without actually turning into the Teen Wolf thus having an advantage without it being a grossly unfair advantage... he seemed to say. I nod.

Hayao ran towards me, a mad dash that would end in a lethal blow. I raised my head and locked eyes with him. BAM!...

I'll never know if my eyes actually did glow red like Jason Bateman's at the end of Teen Wolf Too, but something happened. Something happened to spook Hayao good. A look of terror took his face and he stumbled, falling forward, passed me, screaming as he flew towards the hard cement floor.

Kelsey: Wolf Child stares at the Burning Peach Tree.... Too.

He clatters to the ground, head first. He's out cold. It was over. (You can go ahead and listen to City of Crime, Dan Ackroyd's and Tom Hanks' rap from the end of Dragnet, while you read the rest of this).

As the flames died down I stepped from the raised platform to join my comrades.

Kelsey: Well done Matthew! You were like Gilgamesh vanquishing Humbaba!

Me: You bet I was.

Jason: Congratulations Matthew. And... thank you. You've made a weather-beaten actor believe in himself again. If you can take down a world famous Japanese cartoonist, then why can't I give it another shot?

Me: Glad to hear it Jason.

Jason: Yeah, there's a role I was offered in a movie about FBI agents on a secret mission in Saudi Arabia. I might just take it up.

Me: It sounds hilarious!

Jason: It's not a comedy.

Me: Oh. Yeah.. That sounds good for you.

Ron: And so, with Hayao Miyazaki left unconscious and alight, Kelsey, Jason and Matt left Studio Ghibli and-

Jason: Could you- Could you.. not?

I pull Jason aside.

Me: Come on. What harm can it do?

We walk on while Ron narrates to us.

Ron: They left Studio Ghibli and made their way home...
On the next Mattsplosion: Jason accepts the new acting job but finds his costar, Jamie Foxx, to be a die hard Seconds Out for Blackula fan who takes the 1987 box office takings rather personally. Meanwhile Matthew, deciding to tie up some old loose ends, changes his return flight to allow for a stop over in Lagos. But his hopes of contacting the elusive Nigerian banker, Charles Johnson, are dashed when a group of French conflict diamond traffickers mistake him for thriller writer and notorious francophobe Matthew Reilly.

Me: Uh... what?

Jason: Don't worry about it, he's not always right.

Special Features

The Charles Johnson Letters: A series of correspondences between Matt Evans and Nigerian banker Charles Johnson.


Behind the Scenes on Running with Scissors: Joey Cross acts as a go-between for director Ryan Murphy and female lead Annette Bening. Bening described Murphy's directing style as "gropey".